Snape and the Disfunctionitus Potion HILARIOUS!
by AAlanna Potter
Summary: Snape... don't drink that orange juice! *Bum Bum Buuuuum*!


Harry: What is on schedule for today Ron?  
  
Ron: Eh? *stuffing his face with chocolate frogs*  
  
Hermione: Honestly Ron!  
  
Ron: Blimey, we have got double potions with the Slytherins again.  
  
Harry: Well, there is no reason we could not make it more. interesting.  
  
Hermione: Oh, you mean like the time where Professor Snape explained the history of the Jibbery Potion and then had us take notes all period?  
  
Harry: Erm. right Hermione. No, you are not the only one who has been in the library lately. During the last couple of nights, I have been sneaking off to the library under my Invisibility Cloak and I have been studying how to make this!  
  
Ron: [reading aloud] The Disfunctionitus Potion: created in 1214 by the great Merlin to have a bit of fun with the nights of the round table. The Disfuntionitus potion will make the drinker have an altered personality with humorous results.  
  
Hermione: I have read about this in Hogwarts, A History; turns out you were not the first student to do this. One sixth year girl made her Charms teacher do the hula.  
  
Ron: *spitting out chocolate drool* Brilliant! Think Snape will know if you tell him to drink something you give him?  
  
Harry: I shall put it in his orange juice *BUM BUM BUUUUUM!*  
  
AN HOUR LATER IN THE POTIONS DUNGEON  
  
Malfoy: Hey Rotter, Weasle, and Hermioninny. Hope your Dad can afford the new cauldrons we need for next weeks exams, Weasly. My father bought me a gold one. Better put up your fourth mortgage on that thing you call a house.  
  
Harry: You are going to pay for that Malfoy *leaps towards him*  
  
Snape enters through the stone dungeon door in a particularly worse mood than usual.  
  
Snape: Potter, no fighting! Ten points from Gryffindor!  
  
Harry: [whispering to Hermione] Now!  
  
Hermione: *takes out wand* Wingardium Leviosa!  
  
The desk is levitated slightly off the floor and Snape, mind elsewhere due to his incessant attempt to further take off points from Gryffindor knocks into it. His orange juice and papers are knocked to the floor.  
  
Snape: Potter! No time to arrange furniture! Twenty points from Gryffindor. Now fetch me some orange juice from the hall, unless your big head cannot fit through the doorway.  
  
*Tittering from the Slytherins*  
  
Harry: *in an innocent tone* Sure, Proffesor.  
  
Snape glares at Harry as he exits the dungeon. Ron is trying to stifle his fit of giggles.  
  
Hermione: You know I feel a little sorry for him..  
  
Snape: Miss Granger, I suggest you shut your mouth or your overly buck front teeth will escape.  
  
Hermione: Bring it on!!!!!!!!!  
  
Harry returns from the hall with a mug of orange juice. Hatred is apparent in Snape when he sets down the orange juice. As Harry sits down, Snape takes a sip of the orange juice.  
  
Ron: How long until it kicks in.  
  
Harry: Hmm. it says immediate results.  
  
Snape: *walking by Pansy Parkinson's desk* Wow! I like that purse. Can I see it?  
  
Pansy: Err.. Sure Professor.  
  
Snape grabs the purse and starts rummaging through it. He takes out a lipstick and a compact. He begins applying the coral coloring to his thin smile.  
  
Snape: I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and GAY!  
  
Ron: Well you can say that again!  
  
Hermione: Shhh! He'll hear you!  
  
Snape: *walking over* Hey Harry, my main man. My homie G dawg. Getting funky with the monkey, I see.  
  
Harry: *laughing* Yes, Proffesor.  
  
Snape: Don't call me that. That is for narcs. I am pretty fly for a wizard, so I shall be known from this day forward as... [pauses] Magic Dude.  
  
Ron: Magic Dude, I love your lipstick. *snort*  
  
Snape: Thanks, give me a moment please. I must change.  
  
Snape goes into his office and brings out a changing sheet. He gets behind it and all the Slytherins, puzzled, begin talking to each other.  
  
Draco: Has he gone insane?  
  
Snape comes out from behind the sheet in a cheerleading outfit and a blonde wig with pigtails.  
  
Snape: Give me a P!  
  
*silence*  
  
Snape: Give me an O! Double T to the Bizzy E R!  
  
Ron: What does that spell?  
  
Snape: Potter! Woot woot! Potter. I can do the splits, wanna see?  
  
Hermione: The horror!  
  
Snape: Hey sexy thang! I haven't seen you here before. You know it gets pretty chilly in the corridors and all.  
  
Hermione: Eep.  
  
Ron: Harry, when does the potion wear off?  
  
Harry: I am not sure. I hope soon.  
  
Snape starts hugging Hermione and she is trying desperately to get away. She gets one hand free and takes out her wand yet again.  
  
Hermione: Engorgio!  
  
Suddenly, Snape's hook nose begins to grow rapidly. Finally, when it is near the size of his palm, he was screaming and running around in circles.  
  
Ron: Well, that was unpleasant.  
  
Snape: What is that glorious smell?  
  
Malfoy: Well, I have a confession. I dye my hair blonde every month. The smell, is. my shampoo.  
  
Snape: Sham. poo?  
  
Malfoy: Well, yes.  
  
Snape: Malfoy *snigger* uses sham. poo?  
  
Malfoy: So what of it you big git!  
  
*gasps from classroom*  
  
Snape: Malfoy, will you marry me?  
  
Malfoy: No!  
  
Ron falls out of his chair laughing hysterically.  
  
Snape: Then COME my animal friends!  
  
Harry: Eh?  
  
A rumble is heard as the potions door is knocked down. Six bunny rabbits, two deer, a phenix, a unicorn, and a dragon enter the classroom. They begin to clean.  
  
Snape: He was a boy, she was a girl. Could I make it any more obvious?  
  
Ron: Make him stop! Please, my ears are bleeding!  
  
*Crabbe explodes*  
  
Snape: Well, that was fun. Once again, I must change. See you in a minute *winks at Harry*  
  
Harry: Did he just wink at me?  
  
Ron: *going pale* Yes, yes he did.  
  
Snape knocks down his changing sheet with a karate kick. He is dressed in a tutu.  
  
Snape: I am the sugarplum fairy!  
  
Snape begins to plie and leap across the dungeon.  
  
Harry: He is coming closer.  
  
Hermione: Don't be silly Harry, Snape wouldn't-  
  
Ron: Well a minute ago I didn't think he would dress up as a cheerleader, but that didn't seem to be the case, now did it?  
  
Snape: Harry, your robes look smashing. Kiss me!  
  
Harry: Wait, what- ahhhhh!  
  
Snape begins to kiss Harry. Hermione is screaming and now Goyle explodes. Ron is kind of laughing but in a very nervous sort of way. Harry muffled yells can be heard. Suddenly Snape stops. He pulls away and sees Harry's lips smeared with coral lipstick.  
  
Ron: [to Hermione] I think it has worn off.  
  
Snape looks horrified. He slowly takes the back of his hand and wipes off Pansy's make-up.  
  
Harry: Thank you God!  
  
Snape: Why am I in a tutu? *faints*  
  
The clock chimes and class is over. Everyone stays, eyes transfixed on the unconsience body of their Potions professor in a tutu on the floor.  
  
Dumbledore bursts in-  
  
Dumbledore: His name was Snape, he did ballet. What more can I say? He wanted Harry, Harry said go to hell. Secretly I know he wanted him as well. Now his lips, they look like a rose. The charm gave him a really big nose.  
  
*Neville explodes*  
  
Dumbledore: Well, we must clean up all these exploded students. CLEAN my animal friends!  
  
Now everyone is the class explodes except Ron, Harry and Hermione.  
  
Ron: Well, that was fun.  
  
Harry: Think Snape would let me get him orange juice next week?  
  
Snape: *breathing shallowly* No. more. orange. juice. Hermione: We figured that.  
  
They all begin to exit the dungeon.  
  
Harry: You know, he did not look half-bad as a cheerleader.  
  
THE END! 


End file.
